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Thread: A Little Laugh

  1. #261
    PSU Member Rockbass's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jimbo44 View Post
    I can resist anything but temptation.

  2. #262
    Moderator jimbo44's Avatar
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    “A guy goes to the doctor with hearing problems. ‘Can you describe the symptoms to me?’ ‘Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair!'”
    Work is the curse of the smoking classes

  3. #263
    Moderator jimbo44's Avatar
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    Oh my days 😭😭😭😭 Scam alert!
    We're so bloody angry right now! 😡 Just wanted to buy a cool sign that said "Joy” to fit in with our decorations. Just trying to do our bit to support small businesses...
    Spent DAYS searching eBay & Etsy until we found the perfect one.
    But look what showed up today... THIS!!!


    YOL.jpg


    The bloody idiots sent a "YOL" sign?!
    A "YOL" sign?!?
    So upset... Contacted the seller and they refuse to replace it or give us our money back!!! AND they called us STUPID!!!
    How's that for bloody customer service????
    Beware buying online people!
    Work is the curse of the smoking classes

  4. #264
    Moderator jimbo44's Avatar
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    After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Canadian scientists found Traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
    Their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

    Not to be outdone by their neighbours, in the weeks that followed, an American Archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times:
    "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their Ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Canadians".

    One week later, the British authorities reported the following:
    "After digging as deep as 30 feet in North Yorkshire, Jack Arkwright, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f*** all.
    Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."

    Just makes you bloody proud to be British, don't it!
    Work is the curse of the smoking classes

  5. #265
    PSU Member allyby's Avatar
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    6 members Liked or found this post helpful.

    Just in case Crawfords feeling homesick.


  6. #266
    PSU Member Scottishgaucho's Avatar
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    4 members Liked or found this post helpful.

    Exercise Ally...must have been raining outside.

  7. #267
    Moderator jimbo44's Avatar
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    I may have posted these Court jokes before - but I like them!


    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
    WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan!
    _______________________________
    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    WITNESS: July 18th.
    ATTORNEY: What year?
    WITNESS: Every year.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    WITNESS: Forty-five years.
    _________________________________
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget..
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
    ___________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
    ___________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Getting laid
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death..
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.
    ___________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral...
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
    ______________________________________
    And last:
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No..
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
    Work is the curse of the smoking classes

  8. #268
    PSU Member coalsmoke's Avatar
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    3 members Liked or found this post helpful.

    I may have posted these Court jokes before - but I like them!
    So do I, Jim.
    Russ

    A simple life creates more time for living.

  9. #269
    PSU Member Scottishgaucho's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by coalsmoke View Post
    So do I, Jim.
    Me too especially this one.

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

  10. #270
    PSU Member Rockbass's Avatar
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    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    WITNESS: July 18th.
    ATTORNEY: What year?
    WITNESS: Every year.
    _____________________________________

    I can resist anything but temptation.

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